just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
