is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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