Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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