AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
