you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
