Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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