There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
