i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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