yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
