i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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