it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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