My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
