I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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