i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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