And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
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