We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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