he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
