My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she told me i tasted like america
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
