ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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