so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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