I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
