Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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