It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
