No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
