You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
