what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
