I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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