I puked a lego.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I know her cup size but not her name....
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
