P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
