I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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