Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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