Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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