You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
