Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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