I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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