Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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