i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize