Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
