Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I am in a vortex of obligation.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
