i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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