R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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