I wannas sexs uuuuu
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
