I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
