Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I enjoy the company of your penis
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Randomize
