I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
