so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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