sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
