god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
you made out with another girl for some wings
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
