so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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