I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
