I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
