Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
