No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
