if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize