Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Randomize
