you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
