So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I need moral support for this bender
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
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