so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
