There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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