If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize