It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
