whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
