She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
