dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
its not stalking. its research.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
