I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I believe in your delicious
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
