She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
