My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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