love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
