There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
