i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
