I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
