this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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