Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
