adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I need moral support for this bender
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I have aggressive nipples.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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