dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Randomize