Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
