fuck your aforementioned shoe
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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