Well apparently he's into motor boating.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
