And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
