i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
