I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
