If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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