she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
