I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
