yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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