I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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