Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
