fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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