why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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