If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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