Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
