Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
