I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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