your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
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