I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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