I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
