Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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