Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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