I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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