everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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