She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
