We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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